The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
