The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize