I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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