in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize