Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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