also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
