Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
