So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
