She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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