dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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