I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize