Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
