I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
