i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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