I just saw a hot homeless man
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
