3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
