When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
