I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
