Duck Duck Cougar?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
