my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
