This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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