My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
