Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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