just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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