i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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