I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
