areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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