How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
