Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
