I'm eating all of the evidence.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
