Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
