i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
