There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
