I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
