i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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