found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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