census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
