Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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