Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
