I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
