she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
