I'm sorry my penis didn't work
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
