two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
