GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
