My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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