I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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