Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i believe in u and ur pee
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
