I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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