Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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