Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
