Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
