on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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