Define "chronic" masturbator.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize