Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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