I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
