You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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