I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
