I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize