Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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