In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
