Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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