No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
