I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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