he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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