you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
