Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
